Term used in Al-Anon to describe how people avoid facing an obvious problem – DENIAL.

In the past I used my pen to journal hard times & losses. The “elephant” was started 4 years ago, as a way of journaling my son’s “recovery journey”.

Original plan was to give people hope – the 3 crosses on left…. Along with keeping my own hope alive. My youngest son came to live with me in 2019. I was a new widow and had a 2 bedroom apartment in a nice senior living complex.

When David arrived, he said, “Mom, do not let me have any money or let me use your car”. So I drove him every day to his treatments and his meetings.  Eventually he earned my respect, as he was remaining sober and acting responsibly; so, I let him take my car to his meetings. 

Over the next 18 months I watched him struggle through his meetings, starting at Talbot House, and eventually ending up in a great 35 day “inpatient” treatment facility. 

This was during COVID, and I had moved to another rental where I was not in lockdown. I stayed home and painted while he worked for InstaCart and went to his meetings. Christmas Eve of 2000, he drove home, back to his wife, in a car I purchased for him (to help him maintain independence and get and keep a job). 

The “journaling with a paintbrush” didn’t start until a year later. As I heard of his continuing struggles with sobriety, and because I am a woman of great Faith, I started this painting to express my hope. Hope for a new life, living sober and finally finding happiness.

As time passed, I only added to the painting when inspired. Obviously, the elephant was painted first (after the room around him was done). I like to write and also use art to offer HOPE. My stories are to stir hope in the reader who might be going through a similar difficult situation.

When inspired by a scripture (like having Faith like a mustard seed) I would paint. Therefore, the mustard tree growing through the window with young ones sprouting under it. Also I changed colors a few times as my mood changed – shows as marks & ridges under the current color.

When David died, I wondered how to finish it. Then I realized that a Journal depicts honest emotions … so I decided to keep this painting honest. Therefore, the overlay of the shattered heart.

This has been very therapeutic for me – cathartic, healing.

(not everyone in recovery recovers)